Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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