My balls are so social today.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
