It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
