New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
