yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Come see our sink grown plant.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
