He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
