Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
