I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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