ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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