He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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