Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
