Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
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