my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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