I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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