just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
