Why are handjobs necessary in class?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
