Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
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