Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize