We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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