member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
