Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
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