Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Randomize
