dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
the day after is always just damage control
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
