she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
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he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
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i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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