when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
