that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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