Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
