if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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