Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
