Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
