Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
