i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
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The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
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He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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