i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week