why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila