Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him