Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?