And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
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i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
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Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...