My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
