Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize