i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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