could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
