just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize