Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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