are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
