I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
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