My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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