After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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