i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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