He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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