So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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