I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
