the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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