We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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