The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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