i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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