Christians are straight up FREAKS
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
