Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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