You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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