Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
