is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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